i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
