I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
