I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
