I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
