Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
