When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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