i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
