she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just found a bag of teeth...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
