you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
