Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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