If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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