You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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