her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
