It's Friday. Sex?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
