Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
