we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
