I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
