omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
