whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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