I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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