Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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