like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
