Your face is a jimmy john
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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