wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
