No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Everyone says I win the strip club
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
