My room smells like vodka and shame
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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