i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
