This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
