She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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