so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize