I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
vagina is talking i cant
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
