I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
