last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Randomize
