I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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