Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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