and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize