he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
