i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize