just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
