Are we in a gay sports bar?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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