There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
