On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
