I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize