dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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