I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize