but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
