If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
