that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I need a beard to bite.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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