Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
