woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
