Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
