first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
