my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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