Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize