I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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