I hate all girls vehemently.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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