Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
