I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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