im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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