i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
