You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Your penis caused this!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
