he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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