Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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