I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
