Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
